My favourite topic

Let's talk about the love of my life.
.
.
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Jesus.

Everytime there is a discussion about God, I lean forward, click myself into attention, and contribute. And sometimes, as we bid our farewells, I indulge in a little reminiscence, crediting myself for hanging on even in the most trying of times.

I've emerged from yet another of my mental struggles, which welled over and poisoned my spiritual life, which in turn, spiralled me into a bout of depression. But it was mild, I didn't want to let it suffocate me as it used to. (I'm not used to sharing something so personal.) And if you asked me what goes through my mind during these periods of time, it's really all about purpose. Like everyone else, I do experience trials and to put it simply, life isn't a bed of roses. But the most disturbing and unsettling ones always began from my mind. I never talk about them. This is my first time.

The catalyst is always a question I can't answer in respect to my faith, which in turn mushroom into an emotional amalgam of disbelief, confusion and desperation. One question becomes 10 questions as I think about ancient philosophies such as re-incarnation and other people's philosophies of life and the philosophy of religiosity and yes, atheism. (Not that I know a lot.) I've tried thinking like an atheist, with the non-God point of view, like a buddhist, with the "what goes round, comes round" point of view, like the nice girl/guy next door, with the simplistic "enjoy life to the fullest" point of view..... all banging on the question, "what are we aiming for?" Trying to link purpose, only to find myself depressed all over again.

And that's why I'm hanging on to God..... no matter how thin the thread is, no matter how hard I find the walk of faith, no matter how much doubt plague my mind..... because nothing I can imagine gives me a greater purpose to life than Him. And because as a spirit-filled christian, I know that I know that I know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And as experience has shown me, there is an answer to every question. And because we all, not only the religious, instinctively know that there is a creator greater than ourselves, whether we acknowledge it or not.

And because I'm prejudiced. I believe in Jesus.

Jer 29:11-13
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

"Blind faith" always carries a negative connotation. But not here. If only my faith were "blinder"..........

............unquestioning like a child.................

Matthew 19:14
Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

And now when the emotional turmoil subsides, I'm left with nothing but praise and thanksgiving.
I'm so happy!!

The latest thing I'm so happy about is Zhiyang's salvation. Once, he told me that it'd take 10 bulls to drag him to church. Now? He's converted and excited about it. I remember that 1 hour conversation I had with him over the phone, a lot was said, but I don't exactly know which of the gazillion words mentioned that clicked inside of him.....
Hey Zhiyang.... share in the comments!